Wednesday, April 11, 2012

We love you forever

Two years. It's been two years since you left us. We still think of you. We still pray for you. Of course we do. We love you forever Cecily.
I'm not sure if you are sealed to us. I'm not sure if I'll be able to grow you a new, perfect body for you to live in or if I'll get to raise you to become a woman. Those things aren't known to me. But I have faith in God and His perfect plan, and I know that all the injustices in this world will be made right through Jesus Christ's atonement.

Today I learned a dear friend lost a baby 2 weeks ago. I was able to share my experience with her, and she was grateful that I understood. I am too. This kind of pain. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I'm grateful still that you were mine for those few weeks, and I have hope that you'll belong to me forever.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Remembering my Angel, and all the angels

Tonight (like every night) I'll be remembering you, my little Cecily. I'll be lighting a candle for you and all the other babies who couldn't stay on earth. And I'll be holding your sister Anna (my rainbow baby) and your brothers David and Erik extra close.

My heart hurts for all those who have lost a child, and I thank my Heavenly Father for making it possible for families to be together forever.

Monday, April 11, 2011

One Year Today

One year today. One year since you slipped away from my body and left your daddy and me broken hearted. My heart has begun to heal, but I am forever changed.

I still think of you often, several times every day. I think of how old you would be now, how you would be smiling and laughing and learning to roll over.

I think of how different our lives would be if that awful day hadn't happened. I'm a different person than the person I was a year ago. I hope that I am better and stronger for having been your mother. Some days I'm not sure, but most days, I think I am, and every day I am grateful to have carried you inside me.

I miss you so much my little baby. And I long for the day when I can hold you in my arms. But until then, I hope you know you are forever in our hearts.

We celebrated you today. We all went out to eat as a family like it was your birthday. Your brothers ate corn on the cob and drank lemonade. They loved it. I know they love you too.

We love you Cecily!

Another baby loss mommy made this for me to celebrate our little angel. Thank you Dana!!

The Day You Slipped Away

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Due Date

I've known this day was coming, and yet some how is snuck up on me still. I was listening to Christmas songs this afternoon (yes, I know, a little early), when I stumbled across a favorite song with a new meaning.

Selections from "You would have loved this" by Cori Connors

The greenery is laid across the mantel
And ornaments are hanging on the tree.
And cradled in the windowsill's a candle
A beacon in the night to call you back to me.

You would have loved this, you always loved this,
I know you loved this time of year.

And though I understand one day again I'll see you
I long to touch your hand, hear your voice, feel you.

You would have loved this, you always loved this,
Oh how you loved.

I'm so sad that what should have been our first Christmas together, is our first Christmas apart. I hope you know that as we sing songs and give gifts and remember the birth of our Savior, that you are in our thoughts always. And because of a baby born so long ago in Bethlehem, I get to see you and hold you again.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Seven Months

My dearest baby Cecily,

It's been seven months since you left me and went to Heaven.

I'm a different person than I was before that day. I hope in some ways, I'm a better person. Some days, I'm not so sure. But I'm trying to be strong and good, the kind of mother you'd want me to be.

I still miss you so much, and I think about you every day. But the pain isn't as sharp as it used to be. It is more like a dull ache in my heart for the baby I don't get to hold, at least not now. I hope you know that I miss you and love you.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Missing you

I miss you Cecily. I wish so badly that you were still here with me. I hope that you know how much I love you.